Jersey Shore Shark Attack (BLU-RAY)

Jersey Shore Shark Attack

On Blu-Ray: 
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
Running Time: 
87 minutes

Jersey Shore Shark Attack is a name that promises much but the film delivers so little. A Syfy Original film, this turd is barely worth watching.

Oh, what a terrible, terrible movie this is. Based in part on a real event, there were actual shark attacks on the New Jersey coast in 1916 - an event that inspired Peter Benchley to write "Jaws", which was the source material for Steven Spielberg's Jaws movie masterpiece - this movie supposes that drilling at the shore for new developments attracts a large number of albino bull sharks that begin devouring people. So, clearly not the tense thriller that is Jaws. Instead, we get people based on the characters we've all come to know and loathe from MTV's The Jersey Shore. Flexing their guns and showing their abs, the girls and their orange tans, their goomba speech, and more. The acting is bad, the effects are poor and the plot is just silly.

There are two things that could have made this movie better. One, nudity. If this were a Cinimax Original instead of Syfy and it was loaded with boobs and butts, then at least it would have that. The second would be if this had been a documentary about the actual stars of The Jersey Shore being eaten by sharks. This had neither and thus was a complete waste of time.

And yet... there is a commentary track with the director, John Shepphird, and three of the producers. Either these men are completely unaware of the travesty of a film they have made and truly believe it contains all the elements and nuance the commentary speaks of, or this is the longest, driest joke ever told. I can't decide, and I can't say I hated listening to it. I kept switching between disbelief and fits of laughter.

I can't recommend that anyone give up 87 minutes of their life to watch Jersey Shore Shark Attack, but if you do, consider watching it with the commentary on.

Review by Jason Pace
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