Basically this game is just about as accurate a mockery of its genera as what the Simpsons did for Mortal Kombat style fighters with “Bonestorm”. At least when The Simpsons showed a Liu Kang knock-off upper cutting a tank, they meant it as a joke. I think the developers at Atari are actually proud of Bullet Witch. That makes them, like, the Uwe Boll of game programmers.

Let’s go down the list here. The gameplay is boring at best, with very little true challenge. Even on maximum difficulty you only ever have to worry about increased damage as the enemy AI is about as smart as a grilled cheese sandwich. And I mean a single slice American cheese on flavorless white bread. These mobs aren’t even smart enough to warrant a two slice comparison. Beyond that you have a frustrating magic system that seems spiffy until you actually have to use it in a fight, then it becomes infuriating.

The game environments are a joke, even if they’re full of things you can damage or destroy. The engine itself is pretty rough and has several shading/lighting issues. The “destructible environments” may have been impressive three years ago but it takes more than blocky chunks of select structures tumbling around to impress today’s players. What’s more, I don’t think I’ve ever seen so many Magic Dog Barriers (unjustified impassible structures/invisible walls, per Shadow of Destiny and its “scary dogs” which wouldn’t let you walk down a street). You can’t turn a corner without hitting a Dog Barrier in Bullet Witch. Those vast levels don’t seem so big when you realize you are basically still stuck running down hallways.

This game is generic at best and short as hell. If you really feel like wasting your money I’d recommend renting this, hopefully for free somehow. Rather than ever even consider buying this you should just set $40 on fire. That way you’d still waste your money but at least you wouldn’t have to go to the store to do it.

-Baron has been a writer for Shakefire.com since 2006.  Contact him at baron@shakefire.com

Talk About This Article on our MESSAGE BOARDS or submit your COMMENTS below: