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Freakshow Apocalypse: The Unholy Sideshow

Freakshow Apocalypse: The Unholy Sideshow

Movie
Director(s): 
Genre: 
On DVD: 
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Grade:
F
Running Time: 
80 minutes

Welcome to the Freakshow Apocalypse: The Unhold Sideshow, a nearly unwatchable film. Normally, I'm willing to be a bit more lienient to indie films because you know they are doing the best that they can with the tools that they have, so you can forgive a wooden actor or a poor set or a video-tape look, but then some indie films transcend that, and not in a good way. Some indie films look more like kids with dad's VHS camera but without the innocence or heart.

Presented as two parts of a four part mini-series, Freakshow Apocalypse tells the story of... well, I'm not sure it tells a story. It's more a collection of scenes that placards between them inform you are linked together. The jist, as told in the placards, is this: in ancient Sumeria a secret society called The Order of Mystery was founded and through ritualistic magic and necromantic practices its members extended their lives at the expense of opening doors to the realm of the dead. To hold back the armies of the abyss, the masters of the Order performed sacrifices to appease them, but over the years less sacrifices were made and now we teeter on the brink of annihiliation as the pressure behind the doors threatens to break through.

Mostly, this movie is an excuse to perform some really lame, bloody special effects as well as to showcase people whom polite society might call freaks - body modifications, lots of piercings, running needles through your body to bleed on purpose. Which makes sense when you find out that the film was made by The Squidling Bros. Circus Sideshow. However, that is literally the only thing that makes any sense here.

If you are interested in this sort of thing, seek out the sideshow and see their real act, because their film is a terrible mess and a complete waste of your time. I know that's how I feel. When I die, this is definitely one hour I will wish I had spent doing something, anything, else.

Stay away from the Freakshow Apocalypse: The Unhold Sideshow.

Review by Jason Pace
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